Monday, March 31, 2014

Nymph()maniac Volume 1: Love Is Lust with Jealousy



I really enjoyed this film and looking forward to volume 2. It’s definitely a film, not a movie. There is depiction of sex (simulated and real) with lots of frontal nudity. Sex doubles were used for penetrative sex, as stated in the end credits, to distinguish it from pornography. I think maybe it's because for many people images of naked bodies engaged in sex, independent of director's intentions, will get aroused. Pornography is intended to arouse, but films are not. But, we all know how men love to "read" Victoria’s Secret catalog.

I am not sure what Volume 2 has in store, but I think Lars Von Trier, who is Danish, is looking at sex from a philosophical point of view, as in what it can represent to different people and its many functions, and how it relates to pleasure and pain.

SPOILER ALERT!
Joe, the nymphomaniac, shares/confesses her sexual history to Seligman, an innocent, asexual (so far), rescuer/listener. His passion is fly-fishing and at first likens her compulsive sexual behavior to fishing: studying the environment, learning the behavior of the fish, baiting, hooking and finally catching the prize.

However, as her exploits become more compulsive, he becomes concerned about her her lack of ethics. Joe either ignores or doesn’t care that her sexual compulsions are hurting others, and she constantly lies. Not surprisingly, Joe’s alienation grows in proportion to the frequency of sexual encounters. Like addicts addicted to drugs and alcohol, Joe engages in addictive behaviors to not feel (to stuff her feelings), but over time she needs more and more to maintain feeling "normal."

Joe's best friend/partner in fishing for sex leaves her after falling in love and tells Joe that the secret ingredient to sex is love. In response, Joe says love is just lust with jealousy. But when she does fall in love and finds that love indeed improves sex, she is horrified to discover that she can’t FEEL anything, including love or sexual pleasure.

An aside which I find really interesting: The word nymphomaniac came about in the 18th century and is specific to women. Its counterpart for men is satyriasis, and both words mean abnormal or deviant craving for sex.

The word nymphomania has two roots. Seligman connected nymphomania to the nymph (immature insect) used in fishing. This meaning originates from Greek mythology — nymph is a beautiful young female wood sprite. But the Latinate nymphae refers to the the inner labia of the vagina, and the definition of mania is obvious. Clearly, Joe sees herself as a nymphomaniac in the Latin sense.

Interestingly, Von Trier alludes to electra complex by portraying the mother as emotionally cold and distant. Her father at death’s throes calls for her mother even though it was Joe who had been at his side. The mother appears only after the death and leaves the corpse of her husband without so much a word to Joe. The conflict is too neat; mothers have been blamed for all kinds of neurosis since the invention of psychology. I think a more realistic or nuanced way to explain development of mental illness (including addiction) is inadequate attachment and lack of love. And it's not necessarily just about the parents, it's about the environment as a whole. But I do agree that it is always about the childhood. 

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Running as Therapy

One of the first things I explore with my new clients is how they spend their day. The intended goal is to see what sort of structure or routine their days rest on.

Difficult and inevitable life changes (break-ups, unemployment, loss) activate situational or reactive depression or grief. It could be pass as sadness or become a full-on depressive episode. See Andrew Solomon's talk on depression.

For clients struggling with substance abuse instituting a new routine can help manage habitual mindless patterns of behaviors or rituals (after work drinks, weekend brunch drinks) that led to out-of-control use and consequent abuse and dependence.

I stress the importance of structure to one's day, and I stress exercise, journaling, and some sort of a mindfulness practice (yoga included).

Regular physical exercise should be a part of every one's life. Physical exercise a win/win proposition, just as smoking is a lose/lose.



https://www.flickr.com/photos/sinkat0864/

This post is about running, and it is my primary form of exercise. Like so many things in life, it has its own set of challenges and pleasures: It's time consuming and commitment; you sweat more and that means breakouts; it hurts; it's hard to run when it's cold, windy, hot, rainy, or when you don't feel like it; and laundry that require immediate attention.

However, after a few miles when you get your bearings (doesn't happen all the time), your breathing and legs sync up, and you realize you are mere physical matter cutting through space. You get in that headspace one strives for in meditation. Your thoughts recede behind a veil that alternate between euphoria and pain. You are just your body. For this reason, running is referred as meditation in motion.

After running a substantial distance, after the chocolate milk and mandatory stretching and shower, you feel clear headed, calm, energized. Your sleep improves, you easily fall into a deep, satisfying sleep. In addition, as your body grows stronger, leaner and gains stamina, so does your sense of confidence in knowing that you can endure temporary pain and meet goals which at one point in time unimaginable.

Just don't take my word for it. The Times runs many pieces on benefits of running (and many tedious pieces about it too). And there was this: a personal essay on long distance running and how it helped the writer deal with life's harshest emotional challenges. 

And she mentions Haruki Murakami's book What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, which helped me transition from a fitness runner to a more "serious" runner.

I will end this rather long-winded blog with my favorite quote from the book (as does the author of the Times piece):

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” ― Haruki Murakami, What I Talk About When I Talk About Running

Friday, March 21, 2014

Visualizing Success


John Wooden was a basketball coach at UCLA and other teams. He is famous for this equation for success which he used with his players, among them Kareeem Abudul Jabbar, a professional athlete I actually respect.

I think this has excellent applications for the rest of us non-athletes. 

Tuesday, March 18, 2014