How to Beat the Holiday Blues

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Thanksgiving is the first of the triple threat (Christmas and New Year's complete the trifecta) that can make you sing the holiday blues... If you are like me making "happy happy" during this time can actually be a real downer. If there are family conflicts (who doesn't?) the obligatory joy and gladness can seem like one big fat cruel joke. In addition, if you are struggling with relationships, work, money or going through a significant life-changing event (breakup, divorce, death of a loved one) you feel you want to skip the festivities. However, non-participation may not be an option. And for others the possibility of spending any of these holiday without family and friends can them into a dark and lonely place.

Here are some tips for avoiding emotional fallout this holiday season. 

1. Recognize physical symptoms of depression and anxiety. Emotional distress begins in the body. If you feel exhausted and tired look inward to see if it's psychological or physical. Anxiety can manifest as stomach upset, insomnia, irritability or jumpiness. Again, take an inventory. Identifying and understanding physical symptoms is the first step in addressing them. Whether the source is emotional or physical, you can do something about them.

2. Ask yourself what the symptoms mean. If they are physical, slow down, rest, change your diet etc... If they are psychological in origin ask yourself what are these feelings and what do they mean? Are you trying to suppress or ignore feelings of guilt, obligation, resentment and anger, or any other negative emotion?

3. Be kind to yourself and others. If you don't feel well and cranky maybe going to a holiday party isn't the best idea as it may make you feel worse. Sitting out a party or a gathering can be the kinder thing for yourself and for others; you are sparing negative energy from people you love and like. Listen to your inner voice even if it's saying something out of the ordinary.

4. Talk it out with your therapist, friends and family (not at the party or the dinner). Engage, reach out and share your feelings. If other people aren't available, talk to yourself by writing it out in a journal.

5. Go easy with food and drink. Alcohol will certainly amplify whatever you are feeling and overindulging will actually worsen symptoms of anxiety and depression and decrease the quality of sleep. As for food, gaining extra weight is much easier and more fun than losing it, so practice moderation.

6. Get your sleep and exercise. Enough said.

7. Be proactive. If you know you are going to be alone research and plan ahead activities. Do you have books, movies and activities to keep you occupied? Reach out to others who may be also be in the same boat.

8. Lower your expectations, or at least make realistic your expectations of the holiday season. Norman Rockwell's version of American holiday experience is aspirational at best. 

9. Create your own rituals even if it's just for this year. Maybe Santa Claus will no longer be welcomed in your home. Rather than receiving maybe Christmas is just about giving nonmaterial things. Go ahead and create your own activities based on YOUR values.

10. Be mindful. Holidays come around once a year and for some it is a season of fun and celebration. Acknowledge their right as your own. Also, be mindful that, thank god, they come around just once a year and this too shall pass. 

When Life Kicks You in the Ass

Minding the Mind: What Is Mindfulness

By now everyone has read and heard about this thing called mindfulness. If you believe the hype it can help you eat less, become nicer, smarter, more relaxed and less stressed. Sounds good, doesn’t it? So, what is it and what’s the catch?

It's difficult to write about it because how do you describe a state of consciousness without sounding hokey? But I hope that the following will pique your interest enough to look into it for yourself. 

First, let’s look at what it is. 
1. Mindfulness is a state of mind we aspire to. It is a meditative state through which we can experience passage of time fully awake and conscious. It is being aware of your senses as you go about life in the here and now. The intention is to center your attention through your physical self and less from your inner, thinking self. Brain is part of the body and so whatever feelings and thoughts that arise throughout the day, they can be experienced for what it is in the present. You can be mindful and enjoy food, feel close to your friends, have a deep a conversation and feel and emotionally connected — meaning, any activity can be experienced mindfully.

2. Regular practice of meditation will make it easier to connect to the mindful state. It’s like running, the more you run, easier running becomes. 

3. It’s paying attention to the “thing” which you are doing, whether you are engaged in deep, meditative breathing, walking your dog around the park, washing dishes, reading, listening to music, or having sex.

4. It’s noticing the chatter that fills your head. When you become more mindful, you will notice many thoughts, memories and feelings come to your awareness; mindfulness is not letting your attention fall on them and letting them take you into the past or the future. Think of it this way: You are walking down the street with a destination in mind, and you run into people you know. You say hello and greet them pleasantly, but do not stop and get into conversations, because you are headed somewhere else.

5. Mindfulness is understanding that the chatter — inner voices, negative self talk, flashbacks, cravings, obsessions — is the source of our anxiety and depression. I don’t mean to say anxiety and depression will cease to happen or that it shouldn’t happen, but that we can quiet the chatter which is responsible for unnecessary anxiety and depression.

And, what it isn’t:

1. Mindfulness isn’t being distracted. Everyone experiences the discomfort of doing something or being with someone without being fully present. Your inner self is elsewhere, thinking or feeling something not in the present. It feels as if you are holding two conversations or doing two things simultaneously, which is exhausting. Focusing on what you are doing will actually enrich your experience.

2. Ignoring physical states: if you are hungry, eat something; if you are tired, take a break or nap; if you are angry, talk or write about it; if you are lonely, reach out for a connection, whatever that may look like; if you are in pain, physical or emotional, do something to lessen or stop the pain. The idea is that we can’t tune in with the here now if these primary needs go unmet. It’s like trying to operate a car that has no gas or has a major mechanical problem. In order for you to function optimally, you need to take care of your self. 

3. Giving up because you can’t “get mindfulness right.” Perfection, or in this case being completely attuned to the present, is something we aspire to; it motivates and gives direction but perfect mindfulness is not possible. Go easy when you find yourself distracted, gently redirect your attention back to the here and now and the task before you.

Here is a link to a guided meditation which is a very good introduction to meditation, and it will actually help you relax!

How Do You Know If You Have a Problem with Alcohol?

Check out the clip below on detecting alcoholism in yourself and/or others.