Mortality

Whenever I feel indignation, this brings me back to reality.

Hitchens wrote this just days before dying from cancer.

Peaches Geldof: Eating Disorders and Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Peaches Honeyblossom Geldof March 13, 1989-April 7, 2014

Peaches Geldof died the other day. Autopsy results are still pending, but given her family history, many, including myself, are guessing that it's related to drugs and/or eating disorder. She was just 25. Horrifyingly, next to her body was her 11-month old son. When PG's mother died, her half sister, a baby at the time, was also found next to their mother who had overdosed from heroin.

PG had gone off radar, at least for me, for a few years, during which she seemed to have grown up —she had gotten married and became a young mother two young boys. Before this she was primarily known for being an English party girl famous for her druggy antics and her father.

I couldn't help knowing who she was just as I know Paris, Lindsay and Brittney. I've given up being resentful about celebrity culture and accepted that this is the pop culture we deserve; we celebrate the famous for just being famous.

In PG's case she was the daughter of Sir. Geldof. For anyone who came of age in the 80's, his name is difficult not to remember. Her mother, Paula Yates, died from a heroin overdose three years after the "suicide" of Michael Hutchence, the INXS singer, another difficult name to ignore from the same era. And as mentioned earlier, Yates' body was found in bed with her youngest daughter.

I am not interested in focusing on celebrities, but these occasional tragedies provide access points to discuss finer points about the nature of addiction and different forms it can take. Her mother was also diagnosed with an eating disorder (anorexia, bulimia, or dependence on stimulants to lower appetite or misuse of laxatives?), so the issue of "heritability" of addiction can be discussed, not just addiction to alcohol and drugs, but behavioral addictions. And is there a positive correlation between early trauma and addiction later on? (My answer? Duh.) Here is an ominous last interview she gave to The Independent, an English newspaper.

In my work, mostly I deal with addictions to drugs and alcohol. But over the years, I've encountered a few clients with eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). Always, these food-related, self-image centered issues were just one part of a larger cluster of addictive behaviors to drugs, alcohol, sex and self-defeating relationships (both romantic and social), in addition to poor self-esteem and a history of early loss of a parent, divorce, parental neglect, emotional abuse, and sometimes sexual abuse. Working with these clients (I am not an expert in eating disorders, btw) it felt as if one's body was the easiest, most readily controllable target onto which to transfer unprocessed negative feelings and memories, all of which take time and lots difficult work. Rather than looking inward to dig at the source of pain, eating disorders and BDD forces the body, and ultimately the self, to take all the blame.

History of substance addiction in the Geldof clan is well known, and the experience of losing one's mother at a young age to addiction without the privacy that is afforded to ordinary people, would have made any young woman susceptible and fragile to becoming self-conscious.

Ultimately, I feel PG's addiction to drugs and alcohol was replaced with pathological obsession/addiction to her weight and appearance, and partly at fault is the celebrity industrial complex, whatever that is exactly.

My heart goes out to the two young children who've just lost their mother, as well as rest of Peaches' family and friends.

What Not to Say to Someone Who Is Depressed

Depression is the common cold of mental illnesses. Statistics of Americans with diagnosable symptoms of major depression is staggering. Nearly 20% of Americans experience major depression during their lifetime. As someone who have struggled with it myself I know personally how it feels like to live with it.

During our lowest point, our inclination is to reach out to people close to us, to remind ourselves that we are not alone. Sadly, many people, even those who love us who haven't experienced the darkness of depression misunderstand the illness of depression and believe it is a personal choice the depressed person makes.

So here is a helpful guide to what not to say when someone reaches out to you (those of you who haven't experienced the psychic pain of depression). And for those of you who are struggling with depression, I hope that it can help you educate/inform those around you to become more sensitive.

What Not to Say to Someone Who Is Depressed:

1. “Get busy, and distract yourself.”
2. “Do you want to get better?”
3. “Change your attitude.”
4. “Stop focusing on the bad stuff, and just start living.”
5. “You have everything you need to get better.” 
6. “You can snap out of it. Everyone feels this way sometimes.”
7. “Just pray about it.” 
8. “Why can’t you work?”
9. “You have the same illness as my ______.”

These are bullet points from a longer piece by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S.

Again, I am reposting this illuminating talk by Andrew Solomon on depression. 

When Life Kicks You in the Ass

The Importance of Addiction Counseling in Staying Sober

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One of my favorite bloggers writing on the subject of sobriety, the Drunky Drunk Girl, recently posted a piece about why counseling should be part of living sober. She does not downplay the importance of AA and other types of mutual support groups to maintaining sobriety.

But, she says, professionals are needed to help "unravel the core issues" hidden under the addiction.

I've been doing this work for a few years, and I glimpsed some of these core issues. I mean glimpses because even the those in therapy are not completely invested in the process. It could take years of work and courage to digging, and for many this is too daunting.

Whether a client has had the most horrific childhood, suffered abuse and neglect, witnessed addiction and violence, and subjected to immeasurable harms caused by poverty; or the client comes from old money and had access to all the educational and vocational opportunities afforded by money, the underlying issues are very much similar — unresolved, unprocessed emotional pain originating in childhood. It can be parental neglect, enmeshment, a traumatic event, or even a habit (modeling) — if your parents drank fine wines with every meal, it wouldn't seem abnormal that you consume over 5 or 6 drinks during an evening out, which becomes the norm.

My job is to ask question, then listen, ask more questions and listen some more. And what comes to the surface is magical thinking, habitual (mindless) behavior, projection, distorted negative self-image, lack of a support network, anxiety and depression, etc. And they all intersect at one point or another.

It's possible to work through all this. However, you have to be willing to work at it and learn to be okay with the discomfort. There is just no other way.

https://drunkydrunkgirl.wordpress.com/2014/03/30/the-importance-of-professional-counseling/