16 Danger Signs of Relapse

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This list is from an excellent Facebook post. Even though the list seems it's from AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) for AA members, I think we can all benefit from this list even if we are not struggling with a severe addiction. I feel addicted can also mean we compulsively repeat certain patterns of behavior based on a set of beliefs, which can hold us back from growth.

For those of you who say you are "allergic" to the AA model,  go ahead and read the list and replace AA, sponsor, meetings with family, friend, get together, etc...

Relapse can mean returning to an old behavior which you attempted to change or correct. Or it can mean actual addiction to alcohol and drugs.

Basically, be present and be mindful of what's going on in yourself.

DANGER SIGNS OF RELAPSE

1. Exhaustion — Allowing oneself to become overly tired; usually associated with work addiction as an excuse for not facing personal frustrations.

2. Dishonesty — Begins with pattern of little lies; escalated to self-delusion and making excuses for not doing what's called for.

3. Impatience — I want what I want NOW. Others aren't doing what I think they should or living the way I know is right. Instant gratification is a monster that needs to be tamed.

4. Argumentativeness — No point is too small or insignificant not to be debated to the point of anger and submission.

5. Depression  — All unreasonable, unaccountable despair should be exposed and discussed, not repressed: what is the "exact nature" of those feelings?

6. Frustration  — Controlled anger/resentment when things don't go according to our plans. Lack of acceptance. See #3. Being a baby.

7. Self-pity — Feeling victimized, put-upon, used, unappreciated, disrespected: convinced we are being singled out for bad luck.

8. Cockiness — Got it made. Know all there is to know. Can go anywhere, including frequent visits just to hang-out at bars, boozy parties or an other potentially complicated setting where the addiction monster may get tempted.

9. Complacency - Like #8, no longer sees value of daily program, meetings, contact with other(s) alcoholics, (especially sponsor!), feels healthy, on top of the world, things are going well. Heck may even be cured!

10. Expecting too much of others — Why can't they read my mind? I've changed, what's holding them up? If they just do what I know is best for them? Leads to feeling misunderstood, unappreciated. See #6.

11. Letting up on disciplines — Allowing established habits of recovery - meditations, prayer, spiritual reading, emotional support system or AA contact, daily inventory, meetings or getting together with a pal — to slip out of our routines; allowing recovery to get boring and no longer stimulating for growth. Why bother?!

12. Using mood-altering chemicals — May have a valid medical reason, but misused to help avoid the real problems of impending alcoholic, drug or a behavioral addiction relapse.

13. Wanting too much — Setting unrealistic goals: not providing for short-term successes; placing too much value on material success, not enough on value of spiritual growth.

14. Forgetting gratitude — Because of several listed above, may lose sight of the abundant blessings in our everyday lives: too focused on # 13.

15. "It can't happen to me." — Feeling immune; forgetting what we know about the disease of addiction, including alcoholism and its progressive nature.

16. Omnipotence — A combination of several attitudes listed above; leads to ignoring danger signs, disregarding warnings and advice from fellow members or emotional support network.

Russell Brand on Spiritual Practice

I don't know about you but Russell Brand is difficult to ignore. He has certainly made most intimate aspects of his life public: short lived marriage to a pop star; addiction to drugs and alcohol followed by recovery. He has made a name for himself as a passionate advocate of yoga and meditation. I respect him for making statements on subjects that make people and corporations very uncomfortable. But let's not forget he is a comedian and it's their job to make us feel hot under the collar, but he does a particularly great job at it.

I am featuring the short video above, actually a compilation of clips, which showcase his view on spirituality, addiction, culture, etc... And I have to say I like what he says and how he says it. The intensity of the delivery reveals the zeal with which he once consumed alcohol, drugs and sex. It is to our benefit that he has found another outlet to sublimate or redirect his energy. And so is he. In fact, as any addict in recovery will tell you, he probably wouldn't be alive to tell it how it really is.

One more thing, addiction takes time, energy, money and effort. Which begs the question, what are you going to do instead of abusing alcohol and drugs? How are you going to fill the time which was once devoted to getting high and drunk? For many, as is the case for Mr. Brand, a spiritual practice fills that void.

Minding the Mind: What Is Mindfulness

By now everyone has read and heard about this thing called mindfulness. If you believe the hype it can help you eat less, become nicer, smarter, more relaxed and less stressed. Sounds good, doesn’t it? So, what is it and what’s the catch?

It's difficult to write about it because how do you describe a state of consciousness without sounding hokey? But I hope that the following will pique your interest enough to look into it for yourself. 

First, let’s look at what it is. 
1. Mindfulness is a state of mind we aspire to. It is a meditative state through which we can experience passage of time fully awake and conscious. It is being aware of your senses as you go about life in the here and now. The intention is to center your attention through your physical self and less from your inner, thinking self. Brain is part of the body and so whatever feelings and thoughts that arise throughout the day, they can be experienced for what it is in the present. You can be mindful and enjoy food, feel close to your friends, have a deep a conversation and feel and emotionally connected — meaning, any activity can be experienced mindfully.

2. Regular practice of meditation will make it easier to connect to the mindful state. It’s like running, the more you run, easier running becomes. 

3. It’s paying attention to the “thing” which you are doing, whether you are engaged in deep, meditative breathing, walking your dog around the park, washing dishes, reading, listening to music, or having sex.

4. It’s noticing the chatter that fills your head. When you become more mindful, you will notice many thoughts, memories and feelings come to your awareness; mindfulness is not letting your attention fall on them and letting them take you into the past or the future. Think of it this way: You are walking down the street with a destination in mind, and you run into people you know. You say hello and greet them pleasantly, but do not stop and get into conversations, because you are headed somewhere else.

5. Mindfulness is understanding that the chatter — inner voices, negative self talk, flashbacks, cravings, obsessions — is the source of our anxiety and depression. I don’t mean to say anxiety and depression will cease to happen or that it shouldn’t happen, but that we can quiet the chatter which is responsible for unnecessary anxiety and depression.

And, what it isn’t:

1. Mindfulness isn’t being distracted. Everyone experiences the discomfort of doing something or being with someone without being fully present. Your inner self is elsewhere, thinking or feeling something not in the present. It feels as if you are holding two conversations or doing two things simultaneously, which is exhausting. Focusing on what you are doing will actually enrich your experience.

2. Ignoring physical states: if you are hungry, eat something; if you are tired, take a break or nap; if you are angry, talk or write about it; if you are lonely, reach out for a connection, whatever that may look like; if you are in pain, physical or emotional, do something to lessen or stop the pain. The idea is that we can’t tune in with the here now if these primary needs go unmet. It’s like trying to operate a car that has no gas or has a major mechanical problem. In order for you to function optimally, you need to take care of your self. 

3. Giving up because you can’t “get mindfulness right.” Perfection, or in this case being completely attuned to the present, is something we aspire to; it motivates and gives direction but perfect mindfulness is not possible. Go easy when you find yourself distracted, gently redirect your attention back to the here and now and the task before you.

Here is a link to a guided meditation which is a very good introduction to meditation, and it will actually help you relax!