Monday, March 31, 2014

Nymph()maniac Volume 1: Love Is Lust with Jealousy



I really enjoyed this film and looking forward to volume 2. It’s definitely a film, not a movie. There is depiction of sex (simulated and real) with lots of frontal nudity. Sex doubles were used for penetrative sex, as stated in the end credits, to distinguish it from pornography. I think maybe it's because for many people images of naked bodies engaged in sex, independent of director's intentions, will get aroused. Pornography is intended to arouse, but films are not. But, we all know how men love to "read" Victoria’s Secret catalog.

I am not sure what Volume 2 has in store, but I think Lars Von Trier, who is Danish, is looking at sex from a philosophical point of view, as in what it can represent to different people and its many functions, and how it relates to pleasure and pain.

SPOILER ALERT!
Joe, the nymphomaniac, shares/confesses her sexual history to Seligman, an innocent, asexual (so far), rescuer/listener. His passion is fly-fishing and at first likens her compulsive sexual behavior to fishing: studying the environment, learning the behavior of the fish, baiting, hooking and finally catching the prize.

However, as her exploits become more compulsive, he becomes concerned about her her lack of ethics. Joe either ignores or doesn’t care that her sexual compulsions are hurting others, and she constantly lies. Not surprisingly, Joe’s alienation grows in proportion to the frequency of sexual encounters. Like addicts addicted to drugs and alcohol, Joe engages in addictive behaviors to not feel (to stuff her feelings), but over time she needs more and more to maintain feeling "normal."

Joe's best friend/partner in fishing for sex leaves her after falling in love and tells Joe that the secret ingredient to sex is love. In response, Joe says love is just lust with jealousy. But when she does fall in love and finds that love indeed improves sex, she is horrified to discover that she can’t FEEL anything, including love or sexual pleasure.

An aside which I find really interesting: The word nymphomaniac came about in the 18th century and is specific to women. Its counterpart for men is satyriasis, and both words mean abnormal or deviant craving for sex.

The word nymphomania has two roots. Seligman connected nymphomania to the nymph (immature insect) used in fishing. This meaning originates from Greek mythology — nymph is a beautiful young female wood sprite. But the Latinate nymphae refers to the the inner labia of the vagina, and the definition of mania is obvious. Clearly, Joe sees herself as a nymphomaniac in the Latin sense.

Interestingly, Von Trier alludes to electra complex by portraying the mother as emotionally cold and distant. Her father at death’s throes calls for her mother even though it was Joe who had been at his side. The mother appears only after the death and leaves the corpse of her husband without so much a word to Joe. The conflict is too neat; mothers have been blamed for all kinds of neurosis since the invention of psychology. I think a more realistic or nuanced way to explain development of mental illness (including addiction) is inadequate attachment and lack of love. And it's not necessarily just about the parents, it's about the environment as a whole. But I do agree that it is always about the childhood. 

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Running as Therapy

One of the first things I explore with my new clients is how they spend their day. The intended goal is to see what sort of structure or routine their days rest on.

Difficult and inevitable life changes (break-ups, unemployment, loss) activate situational or reactive depression or grief. It could be pass as sadness or become a full-on depressive episode. See Andrew Solomon's talk on depression.

For clients struggling with substance abuse instituting a new routine can help manage habitual mindless patterns of behaviors or rituals (after work drinks, weekend brunch drinks) that led to out-of-control use and consequent abuse and dependence.

I stress the importance of structure to one's day, and I stress exercise, journaling, and some sort of a mindfulness practice (yoga included).

Regular physical exercise should be a part of every one's life. Physical exercise a win/win proposition, just as smoking is a lose/lose.



https://www.flickr.com/photos/sinkat0864/

This post is about running, and it is my primary form of exercise. Like so many things in life, it has its own set of challenges and pleasures: It's time consuming and commitment; you sweat more and that means breakouts; it hurts; it's hard to run when it's cold, windy, hot, rainy, or when you don't feel like it; and laundry that require immediate attention.

However, after a few miles when you get your bearings (doesn't happen all the time), your breathing and legs sync up, and you realize you are mere physical matter cutting through space. You get in that headspace one strives for in meditation. Your thoughts recede behind a veil that alternate between euphoria and pain. You are just your body. For this reason, running is referred as meditation in motion.

After running a substantial distance, after the chocolate milk and mandatory stretching and shower, you feel clear headed, calm, energized. Your sleep improves, you easily fall into a deep, satisfying sleep. In addition, as your body grows stronger, leaner and gains stamina, so does your sense of confidence in knowing that you can endure temporary pain and meet goals which at one point in time unimaginable.

Just don't take my word for it. The Times runs many pieces on benefits of running (and many tedious pieces about it too). And there was this: a personal essay on long distance running and how it helped the writer deal with life's harshest emotional challenges. 

And she mentions Haruki Murakami's book What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, which helped me transition from a fitness runner to a more "serious" runner.

I will end this rather long-winded blog with my favorite quote from the book (as does the author of the Times piece):

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” ― Haruki Murakami, What I Talk About When I Talk About Running

Friday, March 21, 2014

Visualizing Success


John Wooden was a basketball coach at UCLA and other teams. He is famous for this equation for success which he used with his players, among them Kareeem Abudul Jabbar, a professional athlete I actually respect.

I think this has excellent applications for the rest of us non-athletes. 

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Coming Out from the Closet of Anonymity: New Recovery Advocacy Movement

I have written before about many of my clients' disfavor towards AA/NA approach to recovery. Complaints range from discomfort about its "religious" or "spiritual" take, emphasis on handing your life to "higher power": the necessity of admitting of "powerlessness": the depressive atmosphere of the meetings "AA/NA meetings are for older addicts who've run out of options.

I have addressed some of these criticisms and offered alternative communities where people can come together to provide mutual support and commiserate about their personal daily struggles.

New Recovery Advocacy Movement is gaining momentum by challenging the anonymity of recovery and declaring that it contributes to stigmatization of addiction and recovery. I very much agree about the problem of stigmatization (societal/personal). If the addict is alone with it it only contributes to the cycle of shame, guilt and isolation.

People behind movement have produced a documentary "Anonymous People."


This is the trailer, to view the full documentary you need to purchase it on Vimeo on Demand.
And here is the link to the longer piece from the Fix.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Passion vs. addiction

“Passion creates; addiction consumes—first the self and then the others within its orbit.”

“Any passion can become an addiction; but then how to distinguish between the two? The central question is: who’s in charge, the individual or their behaviour? It’s possible to rule a passion, but an obsessive passion that a person is unable to rule is an addiction. And the addiction is the repeated behaviour that a person keeps engaging in, even though he knows it harms himself or others. How it looks externally is irrelevant. The key issue is a person’s internal relationship to the passion and its related behaviours”

Excerpt From: Gabor Maté, M.D. “In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts.” 


What are your passions? 



Self portrait by Vivian Maier, a photographer whose passion for her art verged on addiction. But then again she suffered numerous emotional traumas which made her vulnerable to mental illness - hence obsession/addiction to her art. Fascinating woman and fantastic work: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vivian_Maier


Friday, March 7, 2014

An Affair

An Affair is a piece of video work I found online, and I felt it deserved to be viewed by my readers. To me it's a poem set to moving images. Whatever it is called, I happened to really like it.

Here is a still:




It is artful, cool and fashion-y, but it also distills the pain, hopelessness and the ambivalence of someone trapped by their alcohol abuse.

For professionals working in fashion, arts, and even advertising, how do you balance the romanticism of urbanity, nightlife, alcohol, creativity and fashion with the sometimes brutal and painful reality of alcohol abuse?

I think that the creator of An Affair knows she has an issue with alcohol. She uses images and video segments from alcohol ads designed to make it glamourous. But... reality is far from it.

Enjoy this very personal work.

For some reason I can't directly link it on the page.

Soon, my site will be relocating to a more sophisticated platform...

Monday, March 3, 2014

Sound Advice

Normally I don't do this but I think this is worth sharing.
I know I could benefit from this advice. It's easy to get swayed by strong emotions, good and bad.


from Brilliant Quotes

Does Cannabis Harm?

This morning like any other day began with NPR and a strong cup of coffee. I knew I had to share the piece on marijuana they aired earlier. 

Since Washington state this summer is to become the second state to legalize recreational use, (Colorado was the first, in case you haven't heard), we need to look at it more closely.

Wikimedia Commons
These are some of the interesting facts I gathered. I am sharing them here because it is something many of my clients struggle with. And it pertains not just to cannabis but to drugs and alcohol in general.
  • A typical pot smoker uses it moderately: 16 million Americans smoke a joint once a week.
  • The risk of pot smoking, according to researchers, is "getting hooked," or become dependent on it. The risk you take by smoking pot is that you might learn that you want to smoke it every day.
  • One in 9 is a habitual (daily) user of cannabis (2 million Americans):
"About 11 percent of marijuana users fits the definition of dependence – that is, their habit interferes with their life and they've been unable to cut back. That's lower than dependence number for heroin and other opioids (23 percent), cocaine (17 percent), cigarettes or alcohol (15 percent) or nicotine (32 percent)."
More research needs to be done to answer the following questions:

Once you get hooked, how do you get off it? How do we help the dependent user free themselves from the habit?

What are the long term effects on the lungs? Tobacco and cannabis share some of the toxic properties. Is pot hazardous as tobacco to pulmonary health?

What is the link between cannabis and schizophrenia? Those who have had a schizophrenic episode or come from a family with a history of schizophrenia are cautioned from use. Use alone is not going to cause schizophrenia, but it can be a trigger for people with genetic vulnerability. 

BTW, I have worked with cases in which just a single use of marijuana brought on a frightening and mysterious psychotic episode. In one particular case, thereafter, the user was afflicted with debilitating anxiety which seemed to have come from nowhere. 


*****

I want to part with these ideas:
  • Substance use alone isn't the problem. 
  • The issue is that we have no way of knowing how it's going to affect us. 
  • If you choose to use, become an educated user.
  • Know the risks. 
  • Develop self-awareness to recognize when it becomes a problem.