Anxiety in Choosing

Whether you are looking to purchase your first home, choosing an outfit for that first date or job interview, or deciding to marry or move-in together with your boyfriend or girlfriend, making decisions can be a harrowing process.

If the decision involves a lot of money it will raise all sorts of associated worries. Do I have enough money? Will I have to cut back on something else to cover the investment? If something goes wrong what will happen to my future? Will I become homeless or need to work two jobs?

If you need to decide the fate of a romantic relationship, anxieties in the form of ambivalence may rise. You can love and feel affection for someone while secretly harboring concerns about them: Will they become financially and emotionally dependent on me? Will their quirks become full-blown craziness down the road? What sort of parents are they going to become? Will they become their parents?

Ambivalence is the experience of feeling two opposing emotions simultaneously. The ambivalent partner may feel weighed down by guilt and confusion: If I really loved this person I shouldn't be feeling this way... so the thought goes. But is there anything in life that is wholly black and white?

The fact is we are constantly choosing. We make decisions each and every moment. We don't notice because for the most part these decisions are miniscule and inconsequential: a poorly thought-out outfit probably isn't going to affect your future too much. Also, when we make the same decision repeatedly (mindlessly, without thinking) we forget we are choosing.

One aspect of being a mature human being is that inevitably we have to make a big decision that will affect the rest of our lives. The option to not choose is really not an option (remember Bartleby the Scrivener?).  The other option is to live off the grid and live independently, freed from social conventions and modern amenities.

Here is a very good piece of marketing — profound and entertaining at the same time!



More on decisions and decision-making process later.

P.S. I condone moderate drinking, as does Jim Beam and Willem Dafoe, I am sure.