Not So Jolly Holly Holidays

The dreaded season – the trifecta of joy: Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's – is just around the corner. For many of us this time period is fraught with anxiety, anticipation, excitement, joy and loneliness. We Americans tend to over eat, over drink, over party, and over spend, and over extend ourselves so that we become more susceptible to physical and emotional illness. We become emotionally more sensitive, partly due to the ever-present alcohol, which amplifies extreme (positive and negative) emotional states. Although I don't have proof, I suspect that many relationships come undone during this time, or couples experience more fights and disagreements, often fueled by effects of alcohol.

It is also the annual celebration of the family. And, at the center of many familial relationships (or, all relationships?) lies ambivalence: annoyance/solace, guilt/love, responsibility/guilt, thoughts of escape/desire to be closer to one's family, all of which can be very confusing. If you are fortunate enough to have a good relationship with your family and the family dynamic is mildly dysfunctional, it can be a wonderful time of reunion, eating together, catching up, and feeling the deep comfort that comes with being with your people. For others, holidays are reminders of the reasons you why you moved away from your people; long-simmering resentments and unspoken grudges come to a head, making family get-togethers an intense exercise of emotional control.

For many of us who are single in New York City, it can be a very trying time, punctuated with loneliness and sense of loss. Some of our families are too far away or too sparse for the annual convergence. And for others, temporary or permanent separation from family, by divorce, death or estrangement, make the holidays very blue. It can really pronounce one's singularity.

And, for those of us with predilection for substance use and depression this can be a challenging period. Over drinking can cause, or make worse, depressive symptoms, and increased alcohol consumption is a hallmark of this period, making it a dangerous season of excess. For this reason, many AA and NA groups are held on the hour, every hour, from late November through early January. The combination of lack of daylight, ubiquitous holiday parties, and mandatory merriment can also push some of us over the edge and into depression. And so a pattern can emerge and spiral out of control — feeling depressed; drinking or drugging to cope or to feel more social; the morning after or the post-weekend blues; feeling depressed...


What I am going to propose isn’t anything new. It’s common sense.


• Moderate your consumption of alcohol and drugs.
• Talk to your friends and family if you start to feel isolated and your mood darkens.
• Make phone calls and use of social media to stay connected.
• Get some exercise, go to the gym, take a yoga class, go for a walk, go run. Doing yoga can be cheap as finding a video on Youtube.
• If you don’t have plans for the holidays let your friends or even your colleagues know.
• Find a group online via Meetup.
• Volunteer at a homeless shelter; this needs to be planned ahead of time.
• Go to church, even if you are an atheist or agnostic, and enjoy the music and the peace.
• Go on vacation.


Any other ideas?